As Responsible Sports Parents, we try to keep our children's "Emotional Tanks" full. What do we mean by this? A person's "Emotional Tank" is like a car's gas tank. When it's full we can go anywhere we want to; when it's empty we can't go at all.
Players with full Emotional Tanks are:
- more coachable and likely to listen and respond without resistance
- more optimistic
- better able to handle adversity
So, how do we as Responsible Sports Parents fill our children's Emotional Tanks? By striking the right balance between specific, truthful praise and specific, constructive criticism. Educational research indicates a "Magic Ratio" of 5:1, five praises to one criticism, which fosters the ideal learning environment.
Five to one. Think about it. We're so used to our work environments where we don't get five positive comments to one criticism – but our kids really do need this level of praise and reinforcement.
The key is avoiding empty, unearned praise. The praise must be truthful and specific (i.e., not just "Way to go," but, "Good thinking, Tim, I noticed in the second half you aimed at the far post on all three of your shots.").
Be sure your non-verbal communication also maintains the "Magic Ratio." You fill Emotional Tanks when you listen, nod, clap, or smile. Tank drainers include ignoring, frowning, head-shaking, eye-rolling and yelling. If you happen to see a videotape of last week's game, are you embarrassed to see or hear yourself, or do you feel good about your actions on the sidelines?
It's not easy – we know that. But as Responsible Sports Parents, we're committed to working hard on this to make it happen. And in the next section, there are some helpful tools and phrases to help us all get started.