As the parent of four children I have seen my share of football, baseball, basketball, and softball games as well as other sports for the children of friends and family. What is the same about all of these sports? There is almost always that one person who is being a bad sport.

Sports participation by children is supposed to teach them good sportsmanship, teamwork, discipline. and help to develop their future character. If parents are behaving badly, can this goal be accomplished? Coaches and counselors say, “No.”

How do we recognize a bad sport? A bad sport ranges in attitude and actions. The bad sport parent can sit in the stands, march up and down the field, cup their hands around their mouths so as to be heard loudly or mumble just load enough for those around them to hear their comments. A bad sport parent does not just comment, but criticizes and critics the coaches, the players, their own child, the opposing team and the officials. Foul language and denegation of the players is the main commentary as well as constant criticism of the “bad calls” that the officials may be making. Reports regarding bad sports parents now include physical assault on officials, their own child, other parents and other players.

According to Coach Shan Campbell, a middle school athletic director; there are four very important things parents need to know about extracurricular sports, their children and a parent’s effect on the activity.

The most important thing you can do, says Coach Campbell, is to show support for your child and your child’s team. The best way to do this is to be positive and provide encouragement and positive comments and suggestions to your child before, during and after games. Negative comments about coaches, officials and other players disrupt the flow of the game, provide a source of embarrassment to the individual child, and in many cases are a source of embarrassment or disruption to the other parents, coaches and officials.

While many parents are very well educated about the rules and regulations of the sports their child participates in, cases some are not. Rules differ in different leagues—what you may know about the rules in your recreational league or younger leagues or even college or professional sporting events, may not necessarily apply to your child’s team. Be sure when discussing activities that you do have the correct information if for no other reason than to keep your child well informed. Coach Campbell says that in her many years of coaching, she has never seen a call or ruling change because of a parent’s tirade or string of negative comments about an officials’ abilities – or lack thereof.

Bad calls and unfairness are all part of sports participation. It is important to teach children the proper way to respond to it. This is true on the playing fields, the courts or in everyday life. Children take their cues about how to deal with disappointment from their parents. This is crucial since children will grow up to be adults who will be in the working world and who may not like, for instance, a decision a boss makes. Their experiences with unfairness now will help them respond in a healthy way to it in the future.

Finally, says Coach Campbell, parents and children should remember games are family events. They are meant to be FUN. Parents take time off work, children are excited and thrilled to see their parents, family members and friends watch them play and many times there are young children there. Games are public behaving badly can ruin the experience for everyone else who is there. Parents and players know what behavior is expected of them. Players bring home a list of rules that they and their parents must sign. Let’s keep these events fun, positive, family and possibly even learning experiences for our families and with lots of luck and skill they will be winning experiences too!