A lot of what this question is rooted in is what I like to call, "Positional Anxiety", and coaches need to work to manage this type of anxiety in a whole host of creative ways. Positional anxiety occurs when kids and parents put undue pressure on themselves to serve a particular role on the team. They work themselves into a fevered frenzy over what they think their role ought to be or should be based on less than objective self evaluation. As a coach, and educator of my own kids, I find that parents, coaches and kids miss the greater good of being involved with sports when they allow positional anxiety to rule their thinking. As kids get older, they have a greater desire to contribute more to their team. The games get more competitive, and kids start looking into training for sport-specific skills. Naturally, everyone wants their child to work hard to achieve a starting position. Parents and coaches should take these factors into account:

1. Most good coaches will have a break-in and evaluation period where they are assessing the skills of the kids. COMMUNICATE with the coach to ascertain what position you think your child is best suited for. Be realistic with your child in terms of trying out for a particular position. If your boy is 6' 4 and weighs 290, make sure he's not trying out for tailback.

2. Parents and Coaches need to focus kids in on the rewards of playing in an organized team sport. Sports offer kids an incredible opportunity to be part of something greater than themselves, they offer kids the opportunity to form lifetime friendships, and allow kids to learn what it means to set realistic goals and achieve them. Sports allow kids to develop physically, mentally, and emotionally, and every effort should be made in the team culture to reinforce this as a centerpiece and heartbeat of the team.

3. Parents and coaches should focus on the blessings of being healthy and just being able to step out on the field. Last year, for example, when it came time for me to tell my kids what positions we were slotting them in, who was starting and who was on the transitional roster, I introduced them to a very inspirational young man, who many of them had seen regularly working his tail off in the local YMCA. This boy was special--He was blind. After they had a chance to meet this boy, we gave him an honorary team jersey. When he left the practice field, I asked the boys to close their eyes and think about what it would be like to never open them again, to never look upon the beautiful mountains that overlooked our practice field, or to never be able to run a pass pattern without direction or a walking stick. This went on for a couple minutes. Then, I asked them to open their eyes, be thankful for their gift of sight and the blessing of simply being on the team. There was hardly a dry eye out on the field when we finished this exercise, and it had a tremendous impact on the kids and the parents. At that moment, kids did not care what position they played or whether or not they would "start". All they cared about was being together, on a team, and enjoying practice.

4. Parents also need to realize the incredibly long odds on their kids obtaining an Athletic scholarship. The focus first for coaches and parents should be academics. Put your talents and efforts first into building good students first, and the athletes in them will follow. Good coaches have academic and conduct criteria that all starters and leaders on the team must adhere to. Those kids that waste their abilities, do not work hard to develop their talents, and screw up via conduct or poor grades must ride the pine. Such a policy makes it possible for less naturally gifted kids to get their shot.

5. Coaches should strive to ensure that parents are part of the team. Include the parents in fire-up sessions. Include them in pre and post game prayers, and let the kids constantly know how important their parents are, with the parents in earshot. In doing so, the parent thinks of not just his/her own child, but for all the kids on the team. When a parent is made to feel welcome, he starts to realize that watching a game is not just about his child.

6. Coaches need to encourage a team culture where hard work pays off. Recognizing lesser athletes during practices and games and giving them honest shots at starting can do alot to foster not only a competitive environment, but a culture that rightly recognizes effort vs just natural talent.

Lastly, and this is a note to fellow coaches--Find out who your die-hard parents are. These are the folks you need to keep an eye on before and after practices. Some of these folks think they are doing their kids justice by beating them up emotionally before and after games. You need to keep these folks as close to you as possible, and model appropriate critique and correction--wherever possible, do so in front of the die-hard parent, so they sub-consciously get the message. They need to see with their own eyes that their child will respond better to positive motivation, correction, and re-direction as opposed to negative reinforcement.

Finally, let's remember to not take ourselves so seriously. Sports have a purpose, but we must not allow our competitive attitudes about sports to prevent us from doing what's right by our kids.
Posted by: Rudy Waluch ( Email: ) at 3/4/2009 6:58 PM